I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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