Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
