It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
