i don't plan on having that self control this summer
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
