life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize