I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
