dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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