no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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