watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
