before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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