If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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