call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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