I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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