I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
