Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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