Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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