I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
