Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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