i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
