I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
