I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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