If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
