Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
