please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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