There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
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We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
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Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
MIDGETS
????
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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