everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
