Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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