Soap is not a condiment
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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