Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She even gives head with a lisp.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
