The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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