I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
