I look better un-naked...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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