after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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