If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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