Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
tonight lets celebrate not being married
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
