How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
