The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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