Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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