she woke up with a sticky ear
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
