Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
