We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
