we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
