It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
