The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
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Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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