ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
