Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dear god my vagina.
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