Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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