my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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