We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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