My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
