Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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