I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
