You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
