I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
