you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
