Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....