I heard we made out
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car