Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
