Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
