so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
