What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
