so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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