I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
