My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
