Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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